While helping plan a family's vacation she can't afford to go on, the woman's declaration she won't watch her brother's dogs while they're away turns into a much bigger deal -- and fears their relationship will "forever be altered."

An anonymous woman was so distraught over her family vacation planning that she found herself turning to the internet twice.

Admitting she sometimes lets her emotions get ahead of her, the woman shared her story on Reddit's infamous AITA ("Am I the A--hole") forum where she was met with overwhelming support ... at first.

It was when OP (a.k.a. the "original poster") returned to the forum with an extensive and extremely explosive update explaining how her setting a boundary resulted in a massive fight and cancelled plans that things took a turn. The response was still passionate, but not as universally on her side.

Read on to find out what happened in the first place, and how quickly it spiraled out of control.

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Didn't Even Ask

Okay, first of all, OP had to set the stage and introduce all the major players of this increasingly wild drama. There's the parents (82M, 75F) who "asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation." Then there's OP's brother, 43, and sister-in-law, 33, who are joining the parents. Finally, OP (41F) and her husband (46) will not be attending because "I am currently out of a job."

"Even though this would be the first family vacation I will have ever missed and it made me really sad, I said I would of course help," she wrote. "My mom even mentioned to me that in a way it's good because I'd be able to watch my brother's pugs and my parents' chihuahua."

But that's where things start to not sit well with OP. While she's disappointed about not being able to join on the vacation, that is not her issue here. "Here's the thing about watching the dogs," she explained. "It's a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother's house. The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance."

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She said that she's been trying to convince her brother to get a dogsitter ("money isn't an issue for him") for a decade, to no avail. She's stepped in multiple times and says "they paid me well," but she finds it "exhausting." She wrote, "My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don't have dogs for a reason."

To make matters even more frustrating, OP said that while she's booking this trip for him, his wife and their parents, "he hasn't even asked me about watching the dogs." So she took matters into her own hands over this past weekend.

"Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL who was ill," she wrote. "My brother was sitting across from me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can't watch them when they go on vacation and that he needs to get a dogsitter. I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dogsitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I'll help find someone."

"The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance"

"He starts to get reactive and says that they won't watch my cats anymore. I said that's fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They, on the other hand, didn't ask me," OP noted. "My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask 7 nights and 5 dogs. Excuse me? Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds."

OP emphasized, "I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs. Can he imagine how I felt? He seemed to understand." And so, OP thought everything was fine, even though she knew her brother was upset. But things were definitely not fine, as she found out Monday night when she called her parents.

"Apparently he called them after he got home from family dinner and was 'blindsided' by me," she wrote. "My SIL was just as upset as him too. They think I'm throwing a tantrum because I can't go on the vacation. While yes, that sucks, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights. Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs."

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Not Your Problem

OP was all over the comments to her post, assuring everyone that she has never felt used by her family over dogsitting, saying it just started up this year. She also said, "Tbh I wouldn't have accepted money if I weren't unemployed," while also noting that she was okay watching the dogs then as it was under different circumstances, like "family emergencies and health crises." She explained her comments about him getting a dogsitter were more about their parents having to constantly watch his dogs for work travel before he got married.

As for why she turned to Reddit, OP admitted, "I have a tendency to be very hot headed and I lead with my emotions. But I also am pretty self aware and usually can tell if I'm being a brat or not, but sometimes I can't. I felt 99.9% sure that I was reasonable here, but I figured I'd go with outside opinions to confirm." She admitted, "Sometimes I'll be on my high horse but so high I completely miss the point."

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Well, Reddit mostly had her back on this one as it was up to her family to figure this out. "They are grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs."

As for cancelling the whole trip, one Redditor warned OP, "He's just trying to make you feel guilty so you'll change your mind. Don't fall for it." Another weighed in, musing, "I wonder if the SIL had anything to do with the decision."

That echoed a common sentiment that things seemed okay until the brother went home to his wife with the news. "Everyone was fine until he got home and suddenly he was 'blindsided' and SIL is upset," wrote one commenter, speculating, "He got home and told her OP wouldn't be watching the dogs and they needed to find a dog sitter, possibly asked her to message her mom about chipping in since 2 of the dogs are hers, and she flipped her lid."

"He’s just trying to make you feel guilty so you’ll change your mind"

Ultimately, Reddit decided, "This is not your problem or responsibility to solve." Still others wondered why OP was involved in any of this. "I can kind of understand her parents asking for help booking a vacation, but why isn't her brother and SIL planning the vacation that they are taking with their parents?" asked one Redditor.

"Have they all had personal assistants their whole lives up until now?" they continued. "Brother is being a toddler, and when OP told him 'no' he went crying to Mommy because she was being mean. They're all just mad because she isn't doing all the work for them."

But as it turns out, this was all about way more than just the dogs, as OP explained in an update so explosive it was its own new post. The update, however, may have done more to hurt OP's NTA ("Not the A--hole") standing with Redditors than help it.

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Sisters-in-War

Less than a week later, OP returned to Reddit for a whole 'nother post to show how that first -- and relatively calm -- exchange with her brother blew up into an explosive fight with her sister-in-law, with all kinds of past drama bleeding in. Buckle up for this one!

OP started by saying that she and her brother were making progress, she was feeling heard, and even considering trying to find a compromise over the whole thing. That is, until her sister-in-law, "who had an attitude the whole time," weighed in and "snappily" asked, "Okay, so what do we need to do to resolve this."

"Things started to get heated because I felt her tension and tried to acknowledge it," OP wrote. "I said that I was really hurt by my SILs actions. I left it out of my og post, but she was complaining about helping me clean my house before my wedding."

"I later found out that she told my dad that I had moldy dishes in the sink and that was humiliating," she continued. "I said it hurt a lot when I learned she brought it up again as part of her argument why I should watch the dogs. She sarcastically said 'oh so I'M the villain.'

"She sarcastically said 'oh so I'M the villain'"

OP countered, saying she told her sister-in-law, "I feel like from what I have gathered from my parents this past week that you think I'm sabotaging this vacation because I'm jealous that I can't go. And if you think that, you really must not know me, and that hurts."

"And she said with the same rude tone as earlier, 'I must not know you because that is 100% what I think,'" OP continued. "My eyes welled up because I felt like she had just suckerpunched me, and she looked at me and said 'Here comes the temper tantrum.'"

OP said she "stood up to leave," but before doing so, "turned around again and said over everyone yelling my name to calm down 'If you with all your time, money, and resources, decide to not go on vacation, that is your own decision and not because of me.'"

At the close of this second post, OP lamented that she's been "so happy to have her as my SIL," saying she's "been nothing but loving to her."

"Now I see she doesn't give a f--k about me. I'm gutted. It's clear that she has zero respect for me and probably never even liked me," OP continued. "I'm devastated because my family is everything, and I feel like my relationship with my brother will forever be altered. She is not the person I thought she was, and now I'm not only NOT watching the dogs, but I guess I am also accepting that I don't have a sister like I thought I did."

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Boundaries and Shaming

This time some Redditors were far less kind, with particular focus on the "humiliating" detail that OP's sister-in-law had once cleaned moldy dishes in OP's sink. "If you're open to other opinions," wrote one commenter. "It is not ok for you to have asked your in-laws to wash your moldy dishes ... That's super, super gross."

One commenter got the attention of OP, telling her she's burning a bridge with her brother and his wife with this decision. "It’s not healthy to get caught up on the small word choices during arguments," they wrote. "You’re making it seem like they have to constantly walk on eggshells when talking with you."

The commenter said OP was weaponizing her dogsitting when her brother could just board the dogs, to which she replied, "SIL would never suggest boarding." The commenter wrote, "Overall you are pretty unbearable for them. Yes you’re family but if you are this exhausting to them then I can foresee them becoming estranged to you."

"Clean up your act, grow up, get over the pity party, deal with the fact that life isn’t always sunshine and flowers, seek therapy before you burden others with your mental health, communicate how sorry you are for stressing them out to the point that they use negative tones and attitude when talking to you. (Rightfully so)"

"It is not ok for you to have asked your in-laws to wash your moldy dishes ... That's super, super gross"

To this onslaught, OP replied, "I'm very interested in different opinions, and I'd really like to know what makes you think I am unbearable to them? What word choices did I get hung up on? And if you said I'm not the a--hole, why am I apologizing and why would you say NTA if you think im weaponizing dog sitting? I'm very confused by your comment and would like to understand your perspective better."

But it wasn't all hate for OP, with several Redditors even coming to her defense with this particularly aggressive comment. "You're very confused by that comment because it was bizarrely nonsensical, and based on air, apparently, because that commenter is referring to things you never said or implied," wrote one. "I hope you can find some peace, OP. Drawing boundaries with entitled AHOLES can be exhausting."

Another agreed, writing, "Cut contact with the SIL. They’re mad because you won’t watch their dogs an and that’s on them. Not you." The overwhelming consensus, still, was that the brother and sister-in-law should really just pay for sitting or board. "They may want you to watch their dogs but well, I want a pony," wrote one Redditor.

Still others cautioned OP to maybe consider distancing herself altogether. "The way she was comfortable belittling you in a room full of people related to you. Not just randoms, your brother and parents. She’s been saying these things to them about you behind your back," wrote one. Another agreed, writing, "Everyone in the room saw SIL be a complete AH. I have to wonder how brother is taking what his horrible wife did to his sister."

What do you think?

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