It’s great when families have involved grandparents to help create those oh-so necessary villages for raising kids . However, when disagreements as to how to raise kids—and the power struggles that follow—arise, it can make for a less-than-peaceful village.
Let’s face it, it’s hard for everyone involved. Parenting has evolved, and things that worked “back in the day” don’t necessarily work now. So many Gen X and millennial parents are painfully aware of things that didn’t serve them as kids, and don’t want to repeat that pattern for their own children. Plus, it’s really hard to instill some kind of structure when that structure is constantly being undermined.
But at the same time, it can be difficult for grandparents to just sit idly by while their adult children make decisions that could come back to haunt them later. After all, the parental instinct to protect doesn’t necessarily expire.
Still, one grandma has some pretty sagely advice for all the well-intentioned grandparents out there.
Maria, better known as “ Mom-Mom Maria ,” who regularly posts about her life as a grandma, recently shared her strategy for handling parental disagreements with her own adult daughter.
“If I don’t agree with every little decision that my daughter makes for the baby, I usually don’t say anything,” she said. Still she admitted that “sometimes I can’t help myself.”
For this Mom-mom (the common term for “grandma” in New Jersey), the one thing she couldn’t stay silent about was the sippy cup and straw her granddaughter Prue was given to drink milk before bed.
Maria was asked to put Prues’ milk in said supply cup while she and her husband were babysitting for the night. Though she at first resisted because she felt Prue was much too young to drink out of anything but a bottle, she recognized “it’s not my decision. I’m not the decision maker.”
“I’m not the mom: I’m the Mom-Mom, the privileged Mom-Mom that gets to babysit her,” she said.
So, Maria did as her daughter instructed, and lo and behold…no problems. Prue drank her milk just fine.
“So I guess my daughter was right and that’s really what I wanted to say to the other grandmothers,” Maria concluded. “You don’t have to agree but you have to do it.”
Down in the comments, so many parents found Maria’s stance to be a “breath of fresh air.”
“Say it louder for the generations that think we don’t know what we’re doing as ‘young’ parents,” one person wrote.
Another quipped, ““I was getting ready to tussle but glad I’m on the grandma’s respecting their kid’s decisions side.”
Even fellow grandparents commended Maria’s take. One wrote, “thank you! Wish more grandparents understood this. I thought the perk of being a grandparent is that you don’t have to make any parenting decisions. You just get to enjoy the grandchildren.”
“That’s right,” echoed another. “Their kids, their rules. I’ve raised my kids, their turn. And yes, blessed to be grandma!”
And perhaps this was the best comment of all: “And the only thing your kid and grandkid will feel is love, support, and respect…and it’s that easy. And we all wish we had someone like you in our lives.”
So true. It might feel uncomfortable to let go of control, but the payoff is a stronger, healthier, more empowered family unit. In the end, it might be a pretty small sacrifice.
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