Move Over Hawk Tuah, SEC Football-Loving Girl Captures The Hearts Of Men Across America

A young woman named Sloane has captured the minds and hearts of millions of men across America thanks to a viral Hawk Tuah Girl-style interview that's making the rounds on social media. Whereas Hawk Tuah Girl's rocket ship to superstardom was self-evidently sex-related, Sloane won over the general public with her obvious knowledge of college football. Here's the exchange with an on-street interviewer, who presents Sloane with a hypothetical dating scenario, only to have her come from the top rope with a wet dream of an answer for football-loving men everywhere: "Interviewer: He's a 10, but he's a degenerate sports bettor that sits on the couch every Saturday for 12 hours. He doesn't even get up to go take a piss. Sloane: I mean, it depends on what he's watching. If it's SEC, he's an 8. If it's ACC, he's a 3. Interviewer: I love you. Sloane: I love you too." https://twitter.com/notkdk3/status/1828778097153564821 This is cinema. BUT OH WAIT. There's more. The man shoots his shot by saying he just wants to kiss Sloane. She more than obliges! https://twitter.com/theRealDanVCFA/status/1828903881302241483 Even gave our dude a pat on the rear at the end there. Was Sloane hyper-aware that Hawk Tuah Girl — whose real name is Haliey Welch and is the hardest variation of that first name to spell of all-time — went viral with a similarly fantasy-like appeal to men in her answer to an impromptu interview? Perhaps. Even if that was the case and I wanted to be cynical about this, I respect the hustle. In any event, showing that you know ball is a much classier flex anyway. Arguably sexier, right? It kind of depends who is Hawk Tuah'ing and Spitting On That Thang. What if she has nasty breath? That's a hard no-go guaranteed to make most men soften. I would like to take this time to apologize to my immediate family if they happen to read that last paragraph. Haliey Welch whose first name I have to copy and paste every single time brought me to this point. I'm not proud of it. Let's bring it back to Sloane, shall we? Sorry to all the fellas out there, but it looks like the interviewer might have the inside track as her primary suitor. I'm sure some Internet sleuth will track down Sloane's social handles and her DMs will be exploding in no time. Both those tasks sound like a lot of effort. I'm just glad to see women enjoying football who probably weren't brought to the party by Taylor Swift. Not that I have any issue with that whatsoever. Taylor and Travis forever!