How to discuss school shootings with your children

NEWTOWN, Conn. (WTNH) — The recent school shooting in Winder, Georgia may be on the minds of Connecticut parents, students and educators, as the Nutmeg State enters a new school year.

The discussion about school shootings and lockdowns can be difficult for parents to have with their children, but there’s some advice for families.

Dr. Ryan Loss, executive director at Connecticut Behavioral Health , said parents should create a sense of reassurance for their kids and approach the conversation differently based on a child’s age.

“[For] kids in the early elementary and kindergarten ages, you’re going to be very clear and concrete with them about certain information,” Loss said. “As they start to get through later elementary school, middle school, into high school; they’re going to have maybe more questions, more thoughts, more feelings that they’re open to expressing about the situation. So, we want to make sure we’re listening, still providing certain levels of reassurance for them.”

Loss said that the folks who are most traumatized are those who suffered and struggled with a tragedy, including those impacted by the 2012 school shooting in Sandy Hook.

“It’s devastating and retraumatizing for our community because the trauma lingers for over a decade here in Sandy Hook and Newtown,” Po Murray, chairwoman for the Newtown Action Alliance , said. “We know what those families are going through in Winder, Georgia.”

The trauma hits home for Nicole Hockley, whose son, Dylan, was tragically killed inside his 1st grade classroom at Sandy Hook Elementary.

“This is something that no one can ever actually be prepared for, and it is a never-ending cycle of grief,” Hockley said.

Through her grief, Hockley said that what’s most important is for parents to not avoid the conversation.

“Don’t hide and not talk about it because kids know more than we think they know at any age,” Hockley say. “So be honest with [your children], be open to them, validate their concerns and feelings, allow them to see that you have your own concerns and feelings.”

She said parents should remind their kids that local schools and communities have safety protocols in place.

“Schools are still one of the safest places to be,” Hockley said. “School shootings are not the norm. It’s something that we have a lot of fear about, but schools are actually very safe places.”

Hockley said that if you see something, hear something, or feel something – you should say something.

Parents and kids should also have the ability to recognize when someone could be at risk of hurting themselves or others.

Hockley said there is a guide that can help parents have a their conversation with their children.

The Sandy Hook Promise has a guide with different resources to navigate back-to-school and these kinds of conversations.

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