Healing By Helping Others

The intense pain of a loss can be all-consuming. Grief, while a natural reaction to loss, can have a tremendous impact. There are stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. While this appears to be a linear model, progressing from one stage to the next, it rarely happens that way. “In reality, life is more messy and complex, and cycling in and out of various stages of grief is very common,” says Kristen Duncan, marriage and family therapist and owner of Anchor of Hope Counseling.

Some people find that giving back to others is immensely helpful in learning to manage grief. “When people can volunteer and find purpose and meaning in their grief, it allows people to make more sense of it,” Kristen says.

Grief is often associated with the loss of a loved one, but there are many reasons a person may grieve. “Divorce, estrangement from a family member or friend, feeling our life has not turned out the way we expected it to, or when a child takes a different direction than we had hoped are all reasons someone may experience grief,” Kristen says. No matter the cause of grief, it can take an immense toll on a person. Helping others may be one way to also help yourself.

Healing and Helping

Ann Kulwicki of Floyds Knob, Indiana, lost her husband, Chris, after almost 40 years together. The grief was immense, and Ann turned to volunteering as a way to move forward. “Chris was the biggest influence on my attitude,” she says. “He had this little thing on his desk that said ‘Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.’” She decided not long after his death that she wanted to volunteer.

Ann jumped in to serve several organizations. She helped coordinate the Salvation Army Thanksgiving dinner, embraced opportunities at her school to volunteer, led groups at her church, and became actively involved with the Cardinal Ritter House, just to name a few.

Before Chris passed away, he and Ann would volunteer together at a local soup kitchen. Ann continued this work after his passing. “It was very therapeutic for me, especially when I did things that I had done with Chris. I always felt like he was with me,” Ann says.

Volunteering gave Ann a reason to not sit alone in her house outside of her teaching job hours. In addition, she met new friends. “If not for volunteering, I probably never would have met some of these people,” she says. “We attend different churches and are different ages. I have made some very dear friends.”

Continuing the Ripple

Grant’s Giving Foundation was born out of the love of a mom who lost her son too early. “Grant was a huge giver, a huge helper – that was just who he was,” says Carre Tucker, Grant’s mom and founder of Grant’s Giving Foundation. “It was important for me to keep that going, to keep him in the minds and hearts of his friends and family, and continue the ripple of his impact.”.

Grant was an athlete, so Carre knew that the foundation should benefit under-served youth by providing sports equipment so all would have access to sports. Since its inception in 2021, the foundation has donated money and sports equipment to more than 30 organizations and individuals. The mission of the foundation has now expanded to support all extracurricular activities and teachers. “We want to support kids to do whatever brings them joy,” Carre says. “I feel more connected to Grant with everything we do.”

Carre also helped found the Louisville chapter of Helping Parents Heal, which has the goal of celebrating the lives of children that have been lost and ultimately healing as a group. “We help ourselves when we help others, and I just knew that we needed a chapter in Louisville,” Carre says. The group meets in-person the third Sunday of the month.

Pick Your Path

Both Ann and Carre have given back in big ways, but even small acts can help you and others. “Volunteering doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment – it can be as simple as volunteering to be a nice person,” Carre says. In any form, volunteering can help connect you with others and combat the isolation of grief. “Volunteering may allow you the opportunity to connect with a community that may understand your experience,” Kristen says. “There is power in doing grief in community.”

Explore what options might work for you. Start by doing research on the types of opportunities you could pursue. “Talk to people that are doing the volunteer work and find out what to expect,” Ann advises. Seek opportunities that may help you stay connected to your loved one. “Find something that you know your loved one enjoyed doing or was a part of their soul’s purpose, and be the way that they continue,” Carre says. By listening to yourself and your needs, you will know if volunteering is right – maybe now, maybe later – but your path can be altered by choosing to help others through your grief.

By Tami Pyles | Photos submitted

P.S. How Pets And Animals Can Support Us While We Grieve