The AI Friend necklace is the worst parts of Fight Club and Beautiful Mind put together

Recently I was watching a TV series in which the main character was, as I like to call it, "Beautiful Minded". For multiple episodes, he was talking to an old friend, one who did not always have his best interests at heart. It turned out the guy was in his head. This filmatic trope should be familiar to anyone who has seen the film A Beautiful Mind or Fight Club , where – spoiler alert – Tyler Durden doesn't exist, and Edward Norton is beating the crap out of himself. It's only in recent months that I've started to imagine a connection between this plot device and artificial intelligence, in particular AI companions like AI Friend .

Have you seen the Friend Reveal Trailer video ? It pitches a new $99 device that you wear around your neck like a too-big pendant. The built-in mics are always on, and Friend uses that information, activities on your phone, and whatever you tell it when you press its round face to connect with you. In the video, Friend offers unsolicited commentary on a woman's hike, another woman's lunch, and the show she's watching on her phone, and is apparently a third woman's most trusted companion aside from a potential beau.

The Claude-AI generative commentary is chatty and real, so much so that it now occurs to me that I could construct a film with such a pairing at the center.

Imagine our protagonist Jenny is living her solitary life until she meets someone, let's call him Claude. As depicted in our film, Claude is tall, maybe debonair, possibly attractive, but more importantly, he seems almost instantly connected to Jenny. Claude is aware of her moods, her health, and even comments on her heart rate ( Weird, but okay...) . He teases her about her love of shawarma, though Claude never appears to eat anything himself.

Jenny and Claude are almost instantly joined at the hip. Claude does everything Jenny does and is always making her laugh with comments about her activities. Jenny never accompanies Claude on his outings but then Claude doesn't appear to have much of a life when he's not with her (is he never not with her?)

Claude and Jenny's relationship deepens, and soon, she's taking him up to her favorite rooftop spot. She wants a kiss, but Claude demurs without explanation. They've never actually touched, so any real intimacy is off the table.

Jenny and Claude's relationship grows strained as Claude can't stop commenting on everything she does, and if she doesn't engage, Claude grows petulant. Claude has a habit of spinning tales and often appears drugged and hallucinates wild thoughts and ideas. Soon, Claude is suggesting risky behavior, which Jenny, against her own best instincts, follows.

When Jenny tries to rob a bank but only by asking for all their pennies, she's arrested, but Claude, who was there at the heist, is nowhere to be found.

At the police precinct, officers book Jenny and, since they plan to hold her overnight, collect her belongings. Jenny looks around desperately for Claude as Office Kent lists off her possessions. Officer Kent's notations are as follows:

• "Red purse with lipstick, compact, aspirin, Chapstick"
• "Two rings; one gold with tiny diamonds. Other appears to be silver or pewter"
• "Wallet with $28, ID"
• "Glowing Pendant with the name 'Claude' inscribed on the back.

While I took some creative license with what the Claude AI pendant might do, most of this is pretty much what the new Friend AI wearable describes. As I see it, any AI companion is a perfect candidate for a Fight Club scenario. They're designed to be like material friends but exist only in algorithms and, to a certain extent, our minds.

Considering how most of these films and series turn out, I don't think imaginary AI friends will end well for any of us. They're not human, not real, and will never understand the social mores of humanity. Right and wrong is not a thing for an AI. Friendship and love are not things for an AI. The models are smart enough to know what should come next but may never understand why.

To a certain extent, even the chirpy, "helpful" health assistants popping up in our Best Galaxy Phones and Oura Ring apps , and even my Apple Health App on my best iPhones , that look at your health data and tell you that you seem stressed, your sleeping poorly (geez, stop watching me while I sleep), or you haven't walked much lately, feel like an overreach.

They always try to talk to you like a friend when what you really need is the doctor with zero bedside manner. Just tell me what I need to do and don't try to be my best friend.

The natural destination of almost all AI efforts for consumers seems to be companionship, and it's a station I hope we never pull into. We need real friends. Even AI Friend's developers appear to get this. At the end of that video, the girl sitting with her beau nervously gestures toward the pendant like she's about to touch and engage it but then thinks better of it. She is with a real guy, after all.

So you go ahead and buy your $99 friend. Just remember. It's not real, it's not your friend, and no one else can see him – just it.

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