I’m refusing to invite my in-laws to my son’s 1st birthday – I’m not being unreasonable, they always ruin the party

A MUM has revealed how she is refusing to invite in-laws to her son’s 1st birthday party - and she doesn’t think she’s being unreasonable.

And despite it putting the parent in an “uncomfortable position,” she is conscious of the family ruining the birthday party.

The mum, who is anonymous, took to online forum Mumsnet to ask others for their advice.

She wrote: “Our son will be one in a few months and we will be having a birthday party.

“My husband's brother has a partner whom he has been with for eight or nine years on and off and they share an eight year old together, they both have children from other relationships.

“BIL (Brother-in-law) also has a son from a one night stand that was born a few years ago that she recently only found out about.

“Both me and my husband feel that we don't really want to invite her as she has a really bad problem with alcohol and is known to get very rowdy when she has had a drink and can get quite aggressive.

“She has glassed people in the past and has been on tag.

“We also don't want to be put in an uncomfortable position where she starts asking questions about the twins' mother etc.”

The mum explained that they only recently found out about her asking questions about the twins' mother recently.

She continues: “From what we understand it's not a serious relationship anymore and they live separately anyway but she has told BIL that she fully expects to be invited to the party considering our kids our cousins.”

The mum went on to explain how the situation has made her feel.

She said: “We feel she only wants to come to see if the mother of this new child is in attendance and to cause trouble.

“We are not close at all and I have only met her a handful of times and when her kids have parties she doesn't invite me but invites my husband.

She has glassed people in the past and has been on tag

“We are sending out the invites this weekend.”

The mum then continued to go into detail about her child’s birthday party.

She explained that the birthday party will be at their house with a bouncy castle there, along with all the cousins.

The mum continued to write: “BIL has an eight year old with his partner and twin sons with the a one night stand who is also a long term friend of his.

“Both mothers expect to attend and are well aware we will be having a party.

“The partner of BIL has made it very clear that if she sees the OW (other woman) she will ‘knock her out’.

Average kid's birthday cost for parents

According to research by Sainbury's, 72 per cent of parents find party planning stressful, with staying in budget the most stressful part.

Their website reads: "September is the most common birthday month of the year, meaning more parents than usual are in the midst of party planning for their children.

"According to new research by Sainsbury’s Nectar Prices, the average parent spends £278.70 when throwing a birthday party for their child, and that’s even before buying any presents."

“BIL is very keen that all his kids have a relationship with our son and that the twins are also recognised as family.

“Both mothers are not willing to let the kids attend with just the father, the OW is a nicer person and makes the effort.

“Yes it is BIL's problem but he is making my husband feel quite stressed over the whole situation as he is trying to keep his partner happy as they work through the relationship.”

She asked other Mumsnet users if she was being “unreasonable not to invite her.”

One suggested: “That feels like a BIL problem not yours. Invite him and the kids. Baby mamas not invited. If he gets grief over it, that's on him.”

To which the mum replied: “Yes that's what we thought, just to invite the kids but it's causing BIL a lot of problems as both mothers expect to attend.”

Another added: “No. You don’t invite people to a one year old’s birthday party that can’t be trusted to behave appropriately.

“Don’t even worry about holding that position.

“Start your strong boundaries now as it’ll be impossible later and as your DC (darling child) grows and the family occasions will become more frequent.”

Someone else said: “I would say either your BIL brings his children without either of the mothers, or none of them are invited.

“Because you don't want a Jeremy Kyle style bust up at your child's first birthday party.”